They Can’t Keep Me Down

They Can’t Keep Me Down - all curled up

Disappointment is a touch pill to swallow, and I’ve received several, lately. Our water situation is at the top of the list. Every time we think we see the light at the end of the tunnel, some boulder comes by and blocks that passage. Let’s mix in PitMad and my agent search journey for good measure because, you know, the water thing isn’t enough. Yeah, I’m being sarcastic, but I need to in some ways because the urge to crawl under the covers and give up is so great. But I can’t…no matter how much I want to.

It’s been over three weeks since the freeze that caused us to lose our water. We’ve been in search of a pump which transfers water from our storage tank to our house only to be hit with “The (delivery) truck is delayed. The pump wasn’t on the truck. The 1.5-horsepower (the size we had) is backordered for three months.” We could purchase a 2-horsepower pump—but it won’t be here until the end of April.

A 3-horsepower pump was available, and by all appearances looked like it would work, so we jumped. Our plumber received it Friday afternoon and installed it that night. Because it was dark, everyone agreed to hold off pressurizing it until the next morning…what’s twelve more hours, right? Saturday morning, another snag…the pump has electricity and water but won’t kick on.

We don’t know if it’s a compatibility issue or if something’s wrong with the pump itself, but nothing further could be done until the supply stores open (on Monday). Our plumber came out again yesterday and ran a hose from our storage tank to the house to at least get us some water. There’s hardly any pressure—really just enough to wash our hands and brush our teeth (as well as slowly fill the toilet tanks), but it’s better than nothing.

The fight’s not over, yet. Our plumber’s making calls to locate parts so he can switch them out and see if he can get that new pump working. This journey feels like a blur. It’s a slow mental drain, and I’m beginning to feel the fatigue. I’d cry, but I don’t have the energy…maybe after I can have a hot bath.

On top of all that, I’m still working on my agent search. PitMad wasn’t as successful as I’d hoped, but that’s okay. A couple more agent rejections came in this week, as well—again, okay. But coupled with COVID and the freeze and the water issues, it messes with you mentally—at least it does me.

My self-doubt creeps in, and I find myself wondering if Flower in the Ash will ever get picked up. One of the agents who rejected me said that my project has topics that are important to share with readers. I know I’ve got something with my story, but blow after blow after blow can take its toll.

They Can’t Keep Me Down - looking towards hope

Logic tells me I’ll get through all this. My heart disagrees, but it doesn’t have the strength to argue, so it begrudgingly goes along. I’m not sure that’s the best reason, but it keeps me moving in the direction I need to go, so I’ll take it.

I’m a survivor in more ways than I’m ready to admit. Yes, a lot of disappointments have been thrown at me, lately. They can push me over, but they can’t keep me down. Today will be no different.

‘Til next time!

Amélie

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2 responses on “They Can’t Keep Me Down

  1. Laura

    You are beautiful inside and out. You are a majorly talented writer and you are strong! You can get through this. You are allowed to wobble, you are human and once you’ve done wobbling, you’ll get back up and carry on, because as writers and parents…that’s what we do best.

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