As you know from my At the End Was a Rainbow post, the last year has been riddled with crisis after crisis. Returning to a “normal” routine feels almost daunting—like where do I begin? The answer: one task at a time.
Even though I’m not quite sure how this new norm with look, I know it’ll be different from the old. So much has changed—all that’s left to do is go forward. But one thing I know it will contain is me returning to writing.
I can count on my fingers the number of times in the last eleven months that I’ve sat down and worked on my manuscript. It’s so close to being ready to query for a literary agent, I can taste it—I only have a few more edits to make. And then I had an epiphany several days ago that gummed up this conclusion.
James River Writers had their 23rd annual Writers Conference this last weekend, and following a panel on Sunday, I began to question if I was starting my story in the right place. I sought advice from a couple friends, Bill Blume and Blair Cousins, who are also seasoned authors. They helped me realize that I need something that happens at the end of Chapter 5 to occur at the end of Chapter 2.
It’s not as simple as having one event take place earlier in the story—my character is traveling to another world…and she doesn’t return. That means I need to establish several key elements in only two chapters while at the same time making sure that the story doesn’t feel rushed. Yikes!
The way the story currently unfolds, that is an impossible task. Yes, I can condense things, but it will rush the story. Fine then, I’ll cut stuff—but then the story won’t make sense…the readers will ask, “Why is this character doing this?” My only other choice is to tackle the story from a different angle and completely change how my opening chapters unfold. But that’s easier said than done, not to mention daunting.
So, in a matter of minutes, I went from, “I’m almost done!” to “I need to redo the entire first part and have no idea what that looks like—not to mention if it’ll affect the rest of the story.” It was a sinking feeling. A feeling that I’ll never get this right. That I’m a failure. How can I call myself a good writer if I can’t even produce a decent manuscript—one agents will fight to represent…or at least like enough to consider?
“Embrace the ‘F’ word,” my mind keeps saying. “Don’t shy away from the failure—learn from it and grow.” Growing’s hard. And painful.
But as it stands, I have three choices: (1) Quit—yeah, I’d never forgive myself. (2) Finish the edits I had originally planned and query that version—which will likely result in one rejection after another. (3) Return to the proverbial drawing board and get it right no matter how long it takes.
There’s no question—we all know which option I’m taking. At this point, I don’t know how my story will begin. Different scenes have run through my head, but nothing’s concrete. It’ll happen. With time. But one thing’s for sure, I’m gonna make a masterpiece out of this story, no matter how long it takes.
‘Til next time!