The last several days have been quite difficult for me. I kept going back to that quote from The Blacklist: “There is nothing that can take the pain away. But eventually you will find a way to live with it. There will be nightmares. And every day when you wake up, it will be the first thing you think about. Until one day, it will be the second thing.”
Anyone who’s worked towards getting something published knows that rejection is part of the game…it’s the majority, actually. But it’s something we all go through, and I can take it. It may not feel good—okay, fine, it feels crappy 100% of the time—but it’s nothing that will kill you. Something I have a harder time dealing with is unprofessionalism, especially when it came from one of the last people I would have expected.
I won’t go into details—I’m not here to spread gossip or even sink to their level, but I will be bold in sharing how it affected me. Picture, it you will, someone blindfolding you and leading you towards a great surprise. The anticipation eating away at every step. Finally, you’re stopped and told to count to one hundred before taking off the blindfold. It’s tortuous, but you comply, knowing it will be worth it in the end. When it’s finally time to remove the blindfold, you find yourself alone, surrounded by woods…with no clear return path in sight.
That’s…how I felt. Like I’d been strung along, led to believe one thing when in reality it couldn’t be further from the truth. At first, I was in disbelief, almost denial. And then the hurt sank in. Very. Very. Deeply.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am not one to give up. I fight or die trying. But I found myself wondering if I should be doing this. I don’t tell you this so you can reply, “Yes, keep going! You deserve this!” I’m sharing this for those who have or are experiencing similar feelings of self-doubt. You’re not alone, and you will get through it.
I won’t stop writing, certainly not because of the behavior of one individual who isn’t worth my time. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t shaken up a tad (okay, fine, maybe a little more than that). I’ll be a little more on guard—a common byproduct from someone with anxiety. If I’m being honest, my heart hasn’t fully healed, but it will, and if you’re hurting, I promise, it will get better…it just may need some extra time. Be kind to yourself.
Since this has happened, not a day’s gone by that I haven’t ran Raymond Reddington’s words in my head, “There is nothing that can take the pain away. But eventually you will find a way to live with it. There will be nightmares. And every day when you wake up, it will be the first thing you think about. Until one day, it will be the second thing.” It wasn’t the second this morning, and it probably won’t be tomorrow but someday it will, and I’ll be a stronger person because of it.
‘Til next time!