Last week was hard…very hard. Hell Week at VMI concluded the Sunday before, and I was relieved that Tommy was at least past that step. Classes were set to start, and on the first day, there was bit of a snag. I tried to help Tommy but ended up making things worse. I felt terrible.
It’s all water under the bridge, now. Tommy gracefully forgave me, but regret still lingers. It’s one of those times where I wish I could jump into a time machine and have a do over. But even if that were possible, if I did that, nothing would be gained from the experience.
I admit I am a perfectionist. And being a perfectionist with anxiety is not a good combination. I’m guaranteed to stumble. Trip. Fail. Ah, there’s the dreaded “F” word. Merriam-Webster defines to fail as “To lose strength. To fall short. To be unsuccessful or deficient. To disappoint the expectations or trust of.”
Disappoint. That is a powerful word. No wonder so many people have a fear of failure. Who in their right mind would want to set out on endeavor and risk landing further back than when they started? It reminds me of Lincoln’s quote, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.” With that in mind, why should we try anything that’s beyond our comfort zone—if we’re unsuccessful, all we did was prove our shortcomings?
But there’s something being forgotten with that logic: Growth. We don’t improve from success. Praises and congratulations don’t make us stronger. It’s the mistakes, the hiccups…the failures that force us to change.
I was absolutely distraught and horrified when my actions—which had all good intentions—resulted in unforeseen ramifications. I counseled with other VMI parents—their kindness and empathy are over the chart. Realistically, what happened wasn’t that big of a deal, but it still puts a dent in my perfectionist persona. But if it hadn’t happened, I would’ve missed out on growth.
One particular mom who showed me compassion shared her own story. A time similar to mine when she “failed.” In the end, it all worked out. She reminded me that the sun will still rise in the morning. And she was right. She shared with me things she learned—things I hadn’t thought about. Things that will help me be a better support to Tommy as he navigates the unique life at VMI. This information was invaluable, I don’t know if I ever would have received it had it not been for my “failure.”
Yes, failure sucks, and it hurts. It’s uncomfortable in the moment and can leave us feeling the fool. But without it we won’t stop and go, “Gee, what can I do different next time so this doesn’t blow up in my face again?” And in this exploration, you may discover something you wouldn’t have encountered otherwise. A little nugget of extra wisdom, if you will.
So, don’t be afraid to trip or make a mistake. Don’t be afraid of failure because if you choose to learn, ultimately it leads to growth. Don’t shy away from the challenge because you may not succeed. Instead…embrace the “F” word.
‘Til next time!